 | Attendees with false teeth will no longer be admitted because so many geriatrics screamed their dentures loose, only to be lost in the dark halls. |
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 | Dogs, cats and assorted vermin flock outside the building mysteriously scratching and licking at the doors. |
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| Seven patrons still missing in maze along with runaway eight foot snake. |
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| Massive count of emergency exit bailouts! |
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| Plagued with call in complaints of recurring nightmares cuased by Phobia experience. |
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| Record number of customer siezures, EMS units now standing by. |
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| Wheelchair bound visitor not only walks but throws away wheelchair and runs through emergency exit. Doctors remain perplexed! After leaving building, the once handicapped young man continued running, laughing and crying onto the highway, only to be hit by a passing car, causing both legs to be amputated. |
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| Many complaints concerning broken eye glasses and bleeding ear drums caused by screaming, shrieking dates. |
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| Hyper extended jaws from screaming and gaulking. |
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| Dependz® now available for the incontinent. |
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| To avoid embarassment, we recommend that you wear brown pants! |
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